Smash Hits
February 1988
'Bitz' column

Bald Man In Flintstone Rumpus...!

Well, The Screaming Blue Messiahs... what can Bitz say to do them justice? They're a group who have been around for quite a long time and have just had their first "sniff" of chart "action" with a song all about wanting to be a Flintstone and their singer, a bald bloke called Bill, is on the phone this very second to explain it all so...

It's a rum old name, The Screaming Blue Messiahs. What exactly does it mean?

Bald Bloke: "What do you mean, 'what does it mean?'? It doesn't mean anything. I made it up about four years ago. I had this dream that Elvis got blown away in the desert... " (????)

Oh. Are you naturally bald or do you shave your head?

Bald Bloke: "I shave my head. It feels like a baby seal. I think it's a higher life-form to be bald."

Do you really want to be a Flintstone?

Bald Bloke: "Well, yeah. I am a Flintstone in the song. I'm Dino, the dinosaur, Kenny the drummer is Bam Bam because that's the little baby who keeps hitting the floor and Chris is Pebbles, a girl baby."

So you like watching the Flintstones on TV then?

Bald Bloke: "No. I don't watch the telly (getting a bit shirty). I don't like all these questions."

So you can't tell us all about the Flintstones then?

Bald Bloke: "I'm sick of this."
Bald Bloke's phone: Click. Burrr...

It is quite clear from the above interview that the so-called Screaming Blue Messiahs know next to nothing about those televisual cartoon caperers The Flintstones and are just using the name in a shoddy and underhand bid for stardom. A disgrace. Bitz, on the other hand, knows nothing about the Screaming Blue Messiahs but everything about The Flintstones.