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 A very obtuse review with some very off target remarks. I don't get the reference to a 'pathetic TV series Get Carter' (surely THE great Michael Caine FILM), nor the one about watching all the naffest TV shows in the world and writing songs about 'em. And some of them metaphors are stretching it a bit, I mean 'Old Bill', 'arresting', 'Scotland Yard' ? Please... |
Town & Country Club, Kentish Town, London In the purple spotlight Bill Carter glowers. Shaven head gleaming like an anaemic bowling ball, there's a temptation to stick one's fingers up his nose and throw him away. He has all the charisma of Hellraiser's chief Cenobite with the nails removed. His suit is even worse. It's cut from his granny's curtains. Luckily she had enough left over to make him a matching guitar strap. Good grief, the man's a star. Doesn't say much does Bill. A mean and moody type. Jack The Ripper was the same. There again he didn't have a suit that killed people on sight, nor did he machine gun his audience with a guitar. Yeah, in the name of a pathetic TV series, Get Carter! Pinch him and watch him go! Hell, the man's a proverbial hero: short on the tablets of stone compared to Moses but motoring tonight on the pills of the stoned and with a better perspective on religion. Thou shalt watch all the naffest TV programmes in the world and make songs out of them, goes the first commandment of The Screaming Blue Messiahs. And out of this thou shalt covet the best riffs of The Cramps, and turn their whine into water and begat with anything that has less than four legs. And verily it shall pass that the crippled will jog and the blind shall see and all will dance to 'Jesus Chrysler Drives A Dodge'. Old Bill is more arresting than all of Scotland Yard – at least on record. The mere idea of 'I Wanna Be A Flintstone', in the charts at the moment, is enough to reduce faith in the nation's taste for crap to rubble. When the Screaming Blue Messiahs perform the song tonight – with Fred, Barney and Wilma running a dinosaur riot on a huge screen behind the band – it's totally absurd. Buy more of their records! Support this fun! I say this cautiously, however. In the purple flesh, not only are the Messiahs long on getting to the point, they're sometimes less entertaining than their film shows of Bill Haley, The Dave Clark Five, MX missiles and other cultural effluent. Maybe it's just an off-night. It must be difficult trying to walk on water every evening, especially with holes in your feet. |
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